i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
