my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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