My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
