dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my being single is dangerous.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
