you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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