you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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