then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
