Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
