It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
