Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
