Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
