wake up i wanna do it froggy style
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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