Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
