i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
