i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
