Me too!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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