god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
