dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
