3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
