watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
