at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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