i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
