Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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