I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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