i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
