Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
