i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
