So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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