I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
