He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
