apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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