problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
