Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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