I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
