I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
