If that was your dad, he is hot
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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