we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
