New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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