I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
