She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
