"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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