Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
