Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
