I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
