I cockslap morals
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
