My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
