areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
