she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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