Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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