I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
