if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
