Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
