drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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