And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
